Article in Self Magazine entitled Angry Young Woman

I had to read and re-read this article because well frankly “I am angry”. I may not be termed a “young woman” but nevertheless –I am an angry woman! To quote a sentence in this article: “People who punched a pillow after getting negative feedback on essays they had written showed greater levels of aggression afterward than those who did nothing at all.” The article also quotes statements from a PH.D who wrote a book entitled Anger Management (which I haven’t read yet) and he states “People who frequently get angry are far likelier to experience heart attacks and other cardiovascular events.” Before I go further I have to express this other annoyance—the cover of the magazine has in large letters “231 tips for a fitter sexier YOU”. It did Not say: anger is sexy and powerful!

I am skipping around and if you feel inclined than read the article in its entirety. I just felt the need to write and express my own views on Anger Management and punching pillows. I have been punching pillows and releasing my anger in an appropriate manner for over 30 years and in that time I haven’t had too many physical ailments. I also know that when I do have symptoms of imbalances and/or illnesses it is due to my unreleased emotional issues. Meaning that I am “repressing or stuffing what I am feeling.”

However, my father, who didn’t punch pillows but raged incessantly died at the age of 55 from congestive heart failure. Now I haven’t done any studies to prove that he died because he didn’t punch pillows- BUT in my belief system I am SURE that this was one of the reasons that he did die so young. He didn’t have a clue how to express his anger in an appropriate, functional and healthy way.

Well really–who does? Does anyone really teach us that anger is a “wonder-fully-powerful” emotion when expressed in an appropriate way? You may be saying “What is she talking about? Anger done in an appropriate way?

What is appropriate anger? How is it done in an appropriate way? Who is this woman who says anger is Powerful? I am not talking about “raging, reacting or getting in someone’s face” about something that they did. I am talking about learning how to connect with your body and knowing that “you are FEELING” something. Then and only then will you be able to know that “you are angry”. The hardest part is to sit with the uncomfortable feeling and learn how to release it in a safe environment. When you are aware of your anger this would be the time to “learn how to release it appropriately.” One of those things is NOT going to the person that you believe caused that angry feeling inside of you.

A technique would be to: acknowledge your anger, bring yourself to a safe place and punch a pillow (possibly using a representation of that person to express your feelings), cry, scream, throw your tantrum. You could even have someone other than the catalyst present to acknowledge and support how angry you are. After you release the feelings of anger then and only then is it appropriate, if you still feel the need, to connect with the person that “you believe caused this feeling”. At this time you could discuss what you were feeling and try not to blame them for that feeling.

There are many techniques that can help you to “release these feelings”. Just as we went to school to learn the basics –you would need to “go to school” (in most cases) to learn the basics of releasing, feeling and experiencing appropriate anger.

From a person who has been releasing, feeling and expressing myself for many years. ANGER is a wonderful emotion. I love my anger and what is does for me. It is life giving, powerful, dynamic and extremely healthy when done appropriately.