“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I am very curious about our idea about suffering as a way of living.

Is Suffering a part of the Human experience?

Or is it an idea of what life and living are supposed to be? These are questions that I have asked myself for many years. Actually since I was a very young girl. I was always curious about why people around me seemed to always be in trauma and suffering. Or as I saw it .. unhappy within while acting as if they were externally joyous. I was often able to feel the deeper parts of them that they were trying to mask, hide or make-believe that all was well in their world when they were screaming without words to come and help them. Or in my mothers case… “Come and save me from myself.”

There was a desperation in her actions that only now upon reflection I am able to understand and empathize with. At the time it was repressive and unbearable for me. But 25 years after her death it is sad and oh so human! I loved her so much and she was unable to hold a daughters love. A love that she herself did not have in her life. A mother that was never there for her so therefore she had no reference for what it was like to hold a daughter with arms wide open bringing unconditional love. Sad for her and sad for me! But suffering? At the time it seemed like that. Once again upon reflection it can only be in retrospect that I understand and see who she was and how she lived and died.

So can the desire, wish, idea to not suffer only come from deep and intense work to uncover all the repressions and hard parts of living so we can get to the other side? Sometimes I am in conflict about that idea. Sometimes I think… well fuck it~enough of this deep diving and get on with life. And then I realize that THIS IS LIFE!

Isn’t this uncovering and deep diving into my own existence a part of the matrix of who I truly am? Who I love being? Who makes me the person that I am continually striving to become? More of who I just was? More of what I want?

I can only know who I want to be because I continue to delve into who I was a minute ago to become the new person in this moment.

And it will go on and on and on~ ad infinitum!

So why the suffering? I copied something from Buddhism because I occasionally read this when I have these thoughts about “what is suffering?” I do not follow any religious ideology but love to understand many religious and spiritual teachings.

The basis of Buddhism is a doctrine known as the Four Noble Truths.

The First Truth is that all life is suffering, pain, and misery. The Second Truth is that this suffering is caused by selfish craving and personal desire. The Third Truth is that this selfish craving can be overcome. The Fourth Truth is that the way to overcome this misery is through the Eightfold Path.

The Four Noble Truths is a fundamental concept taught by the Buddha.

Four Noble Truths

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are stated in simple terms as:

1. Suffering exists
2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path

Eightfold path

There are eight attitudes or paths you must follow to find freedom from suffering. These are the “right” or correct things to do in your life:

1. Right view
2. Right intention
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration

This is the way to reach Nirvana.

So I ask myself~ What is RIGHT for me? This is why I love reading and trying to understand concepts and beliefs. It helps me to become more individuated. What might be “right” for me may not be “right” for you? And who is to say what the “right” way of being is other than YOU?  You are the only one who can determine what is the right path, the right view, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration.

This is our individual work!  It’s an inside JOB! It is our own script or our play to be shared (if we want). To be exposed or hidden. It is all ours to be seen or not. We each determine what wants to be expressed.

And then we get to decide or choose if it is suffering or joyous in the process.

Suffering happens~ it’s how we perceive it that makes all the difference.