Picture: La Adelita Restaurant in Loreto Baja California, Mexico. The name is a ballad about the women who joined the Mexican Revolution. Today, it is argued that Adelita came to be an archetype of a woman warrior in Mexico and a symbol of action and inspiration.

I had a different idea about this vacation!

I have been in Mexico for 6 days and I haven’t written much about my pondering(s) or my trip. This is very different for me. Although I have been writing a lot in my journal, which for me is not the same as writing a blog.

I had a different idea of what this trip would be about pertaining to my writing. I visualized myself being something like an Ernest Hemingway in Key West in some run down bar writing my deepest thoughts. LOL! Not that I think of myself as a Hemingway but it does seem so romantic and poetic the way he loved Key West and sailed his boat and wrote masterpieces.

Do you love to fantasize about life and love and romance? I love doing that! I love putting myself into exotic locations in my mind, as well as being in exotic places, and then making up fantastic stories in my mind. How fun is that! And then of course moving towards making the stories come to life.

Do your fantasies go to the erotic? Are they playful? Are they outlandish? Are they tame?

I think adults in general don’t fantasize enough! Do you allow yourself to bask inside your erotic fantasies? Do you indulge or lose yourself in the unknown of your imagination? Do you give yourself permission to fantasize about things in general?

I remember being in a Primal Scream group as a participant when I was in my early 20’s. One of my fellow participants was a man in his 50’s and at 20 a 50 year old man was “old” to me. The interesting thing about him was that he wrote erotica. This was in the 1970s and I remember being fascinated and horrified all at the same time. I couldn’t sit near him or talk to him because I couldn’t understand how he could do such a thing. It made no sense to me in my young and innocent and sheltered mind. He was married and had children and he would talk about them with love and caring. It just didn’t compute in my head. I couldn’t understand how his wife could be with him and “did his children know what he did for a living?” I don’t remember anything else about this man except the feelings that I projected all over him. My Catholic upbringing and puritanical thinking didn’t offer up much in the way of erotic fantasies. I couldn’t even entertain the idea that I had fantasies. My body and mind were shut down to that type of thinking. But all the feelings were there and mostly repressed from a strict Italian Catholic environment. And then there way my grandmother, Antoinette, now she was a piece or work. A whole other story to be explored!

So at that age my fantasies went to travel and adventure. That was safe and couldn’t get me pregnant which would have been risking my life inside the constructs of my family dynamics. Just the thought that this young girls virtue could have gone awry would have put my mother, father, grandparents, aunts and uncles over the edge of their limited thinking about sexuality, sensuality and life itself. Did I make my point about how “repressed” I was as a kid!

Back to my fantasies ~~I would look at maps and dream about all the places I would visit, all the things I would do in those places. I was fortunate to work for an airline and that allowed me to experience many of my travel fantasies.

I was in my 40’s before I allowed myself to indulge in erotic fantasies. Fast forward to present where my fantasies intertwine and coexist with writing, traveling, eating, dancing, hiking, eroticism and excitement.

I love being excited. My excitement is about life in general. About being alive and breathing!

What happens in your body when you think about excitement?

Does it immediately go towards sexual desire?

Does it relate to being athletic: Walking/hiking/swimming, etc?

Is it related to sensory stimulation? Eating, touching, dancing,etc, etc?

We are all so individual in our desires and wants. Maybe you can spend some time and indulge in a series of experiments that will bring you to a place of knowing what your excitement means to you.

These last 6 days in Mexico and the final two days of 2018 have been about hiking, eating freshly caught fish and reading, reading and reading!  This is my life and I am Loving Living it.