My alter-ego-The Big/Tall Statue of Diana the Huntress

OK–these ideas came from my mother. She was always saying how tall I was when I reached my full adult height of 5ft 4in. She would also comment on the fact that I was 21inches long at birth.  I guess this is a “tall/long” baby statistic. You see my mother was about 5ft 1in. tall. She would say “You take after your father because he’s the tall one in the family.” It wasn’t until my father transitioned that I realized that he was, at his tallest, 5ft 9in tall. As a child I thought he was about as tall as Andre’ the Giant. Really! He was a towering man in height and presence (as far as I was concerned).

So now for the rich part….. my father “Andre'” or actually Carmine, not Gambino, although he would have liked that. My father, Carmine, was a gambler: A big gambler—an extravagant gambler. He had it all: the expensive suits, the fedora and of course the horseshoe and diamond pinkie ring. My father loved the horses. Not to ride but to watch them go round the track, any track: Belmont, Aqueduct,Yonkers and Hialeah Park in Florida. We had some vacations in Saratoga Springs, in upstate NY. My mother, sister and I would be on one side of the fence (because at that time children were not allowed into the betting area) and my father would come back to the fence between races. He would look at us between the spaces in the fencing, with his racing form and usually with the losing tickets firmly planted in his hands vowing that the next race was HIS.

So how did I figure out that we were rich? My father always acted wealthy and because of that he gave me the idea that we had money. Not that I knew as a child what that meant. But we never went without any material things. We went to fancy restaurants, he always had a big new car and he always looked what was called “dapper”. So I assumed in my mind and body that we “had money.”

I think I was in my mid-teens when I realized that “we did NOT have money.” Yes, I heard the many long and difficult battles that took place in our apartment. How could I not hear them? We had no doors on any of the rooms except the bathroom. And that had one of these beautifully ornate half beveled glass/half wood door. Yes, it was pretty but as a teenage girl it was very uncomfortable and at time shamefully hard to put the light on a night. I always felt as if I were in some French Film Noir at night when I had to put on the light and there would be these shadows formed on the other side of the bathroom door. UGH!! What were they thinking!

Back to the idea of being rich. It was a wonderful way to exist. It has served me well throughout the years- I like to think of it as the Illusion of Wealth!

Living in this time of expanded consciousness I am able to understand that I really do create my own reality through the thoughts that I think and what I believe. My beliefs are the Thoughts that I keep thinking anyway…so why not believe that I have it all. As I move deeply into a conscious existence I see that I want to deliberately create my reality as opposed to being led by my circumstances. I always have a choice! I am always in Choice! And my choice is to live life to my fullest potential. Trying to do this without criticism or self-judgement is the muscle that I keep exercising.

As far as my height, I consider myself to be on the tall side. I have a close friend who is 5ft5in or maybe 5ft6in (OH who knows)and she is the one who pointed out to me one day that I was tiny. I looked at her feeling a bit shocked and said “What do you mean’? We are the same height! Then I started looking at pictures of us together and saw that Yes…she actually is taller than I. But height is just an illusion anyway so I continue to believe that we are the same height.

My thought for the day is :

Change Your thoughts and Everything changes! Maybe at times easier said than done but that is what consciousness is about– isn’t it? By being totally connected to our thinking, emotions and feelings so that we move and create from a place of abundance, awareness and hopefully JOY and with LOVE. Life is the grand Illusion anyway so why not make it and create it exactly how we want to live it!