My Dream Ride

I haven’t written in a week because I’ve been caught…caught in a riptide…an undertow…riding against the current of my own emotional body. I felt a shift this morning.

I attended a spin class this week. This is not an ordinary spin class. This is a class that is a meditation while spinning inside the Planetarium in Centerport, NY (www.imagecycling).  Each class has a theme and this one was called The Dream Ride. During the class the teacher said  “Resist the Resistance”! I heard it the first time she said it and felt something in my gut and kept riding. Then she said it again and I thought “what is she talking about?”  At that moment I was connected to the judgement that I felt towards her and also very aware of my resistance to what she was saying about resistance.

The only thing I wanted to resist was her!  So that was my indication that something was WAY OFF in my vibration! As I became more connected to my judgements I became more aware of my feelings. For me, judgments are always an indication that something is being stirred deeper inside of me. (It’s never about the other person unless of course I want to keep the focus and direction outside of myself) Her words were triggering me and causing me to ponder that phrasing.

My work or exploration lately has been to make my processing very gentle and self loving. So when I heard the phrase “resist the resistance” it felt aggressive for me. However, I really liked the concept if not the phrasing. So while riding I continued to explore how I could utilize this concept and gently put it into practice for me to re-organize my thinking around resistance. How can I be in connection with this resistance?

I was able to see/feel and connect to what her words were bringing up inside of me. They were saying  “I have been in such deep resistance to what I’ve been feeling over these past few weeks!”  It wasn’t that I haven’t cried or felt but I was aware of my resistance to the changes that were happening. I have been in resistance to the idea of feeling how deeply afraid I’ve been lately. I resisted feeling out of control while in fact I have been pretty much “out of control” while being in the illusion of “control”.  What am I trying so hard to keep controlled? What am I resisting?  Do I really want to resist this feeling of resistance?  What would that mean for me to STOP resisting.

Hmm…for me it would mean to TRUST!

Trust…trust my higher knowing that everything is really OK without taking immediate action in an uncomfortable situation. Can I just be in the moment of these feelings without resistance to them? Can I really do this? So my Dream Ride was really an awakening to this deeper Dream or Illusion that I have control over things.

This picture represents my cloudy thoughts around my resistance.

Near Lake Okeechobee in Florida