In the past few days I’ve had a number of stressful experiences that I have been coping with, dealing with, managing, coming to terms with, being with and most of all (by conscious choice) experiencing.
I am actually shaking internally and a bit externally as I write all of this. I am feeling the tremors of fear envelop me and at times literally take me over. I am allowing myself to release, purge and ultimately share in a broader way what I am feeling and experiencing in my body.
I will not go into the “story” here and this is not for lack of loving and telling a good story. But because I am still sorting through and processing a lot of what has transpired over the past 5 days that started with a distressing phone call on Tuesday.
Since Tuesday I have shook, cried, yelled into a pillow, reached out to numerous friends for conscious and connected support. And I woke up this morning still shaking. I am not trying to push these feelings away but instead in every moment I am welcoming what they are saying to me. And at this time they are giving me pieces of a deeper puzzle which has it roots inside of me and in my HISTORY!
I vacillated about writing any of this. However, I have made a deeper commitment to myself about continuing to write and share my life. So as I saw the judgements rise about writing what I was feeling and thinking this doesn’t feel like FUN to write and share this–I started writing. I thought — You have to make this witty and funny and entertaining for anyone to really want to hear any of this. I realized that this a part of a historic piece of my puzzle.
Only share the good stuff. It wasn’t actually said out loud in my house (growing up) but it was intimated. There really wasn’t room for the deeper emotions and/or feelings. Don’t let the “neighbors know”, don’t let the family (outside this little container) know, don’t share that you are distressed or scared or in fear. “Don’t air your dirty laundry” (which was one of my mothers favorites). So I learn to stuff and DEAL. I became the funny/silly one all in service to “not letting anyone else know what my deeper feelings were”!
I love being silly and funny and FUN. And I also love feeling these other parts of me too!
So I am off to have a Thai Massage to help sooth my shaking self. And then have a delicious lunch and be back later to write more and share another part of my unfolding, unfurling and unraveling.
Enjoy your Saturday—-
I have been offering Wellness Coaching services for over 20 years. I am always honored and thrilled to work with people who are willing and desirous of connecting to their deeper selves. My work caters to those that have already done transformational work and are ready to go to another level of self-discovery.
I invite you to contact me at Diane@dianedivone.com to set up your free 15 Minute Introductory Session.
