“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” ~J.K.Rowlings

I do not own any of Kate Spade’s creations and never watched Anthony Bourdain. Although whenever I saw a picture of him I felt as if I knew him. He always seemed quirky and accessible to me.

Actually, after I wrote that first sentence I stopped and looked at a gift I received a few years ago and it is a Kate Spade purse. Which leads me to the heart of this blog post~

The year is 1975 and I am working as a ticket agent for American Airlines at JFK airport. We just started transitioning into creating tickets on a new computer system. Can you imagine until that time we actually hand wrote all the tickets. I became fairly proficient using the computer system and was assigned a newly created position to help travel agencies learn the system.

I am excited for this new experience and arrive at the travel agency in one of the new outfits purchased just for this week. (I wore a uniform everyday to work so this was fun) I am shown to the area where I will be teaching a few people the system and place my shoulder bag on a chair next to the managers desk. At that moment a woman walks by and asks “Who’s bag is this?” I say “Oh, sorry it’s mine and I’ll move it.” She says “No, who’s bag is this?”  At this moment I can still recall my confusion around her asking me this a second time. So I say again “It’s mine.” She then looks at me with an odd look and says more aggressively “Who made it?” (Now I could be wrong about the phrasing because she might have asked me who designed it? But I heard words through my life experience and filter of confusion at that moment~ Who made it!) I remember thinking I bought it at Macy’s or Gertz or Bloomingdales so I guess they made it. So that is what I said. She walked away. All my enthusiasm and joy was pulled out of me in that moment of confusion, shame, embarrassment because I didn’t understand what she was asking me. I can’t remember if I asked a friend or if I eventually figured it out myself but what I did know in retrospect I decided to never buy a “designer” item.

Presently I find this information fascinating! What kind of a pact did I make with myself because of that experience. This is the way I see things. Something inside of me created a deep shame that made me decide to “ban designer clothing and accessories.” That may bring a smile to your face and maybe even a judgment, snicker or outright laughter. I am actually chuckling while I write and recall all of this. But nevertheless this is my truth and my life experience.

So how does all this have anything to do with the recents deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain? I see this as an indirect connection to our humanity.  What I am alluding to is a call for each of us to understand and recognize that we are not separate. We are all connected and functioning as a whole. We are not alone. We all have unknown parts that are hidden and unconscious within our psyches. We are being influenced and directed by forces known and unknown in each moment. My life’s journey is to bring to light and uncover, make conscious, shine a light on or whatever phrasing feels right to use all these mundane, perceived silly, unrecognizable parts of myself so that I am better able to cope with or handle the stresses and joys of my existence. This is connection! This is self loving! This is how I serve humanity! It all starts here within myself, within my own being and with a deep desire to know myself.

Death is what happens to all of us. “It’s living that’s hard!” 

“The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.” ~ Toni Collette