Musings on a Mountain

“When I write down my thoughts, they do not escape me. This action makes me remember my strength which I forget at all times. I educate myself proportionately to my captured thought. I aim only to distinguish the contradiction between my mind and nothingness.” ~Comte de Lautreamont

I don’t know if I have ever experienced such a depth of being encompassed by nothingness. I felt as if I was hiding out in the dark. 

Not afraid 

Not fearing anything

Not longing for anything to be different 

Just being totally at one with the darkness and quiet

Not trying to figure anything out or make plans or desiring anything other than what was.  

This was a completely new experience for me. A feeling of total contentment and ease. I felt utterly embraced and held by the darkness of the night. No sounds, no movement, nothing. Being held by complete stillness. I felt as if I never wanted it to end. 

I awoke at 2AM to silence and stillness so I laid in bed just feeling into what that was like. Nothingness

I felt my body in the bed

I felt the sheets and the pillow and the comforter 

I felt myself being in this space of complete stillness

I breathed in this sensation that I have never felt before. I was in the bed. I was being held and cushioned by this piece of furniture. I was surrounded by a room full of things that I love and yet there was nothing. It felt like a first in some ways? I was being completely present and yet not really there? I looked out the window with the beautiful pine trees not moving while the moon light created shadows. I felt them and heard them even though there was nothing to hear. There was no movement, no wind. My body felt buoyant and alive and yet I didn’t really feel it at all. Was I dreaming? 

I am here in this physical form doing all the things that we do as human beings. We each think we are different but in reality we an all the same. We are all doing similar things and wanting similar things and go about it in our own unique ways thinking that we are different from each other. We have different body types, different skin colors, different belief systems, etc,  but in the end we are all the same. Nothingness encased inside these individual forms that carry us around to do the things we deem important or do the things we have been taught to do or think we should do         ~~or what?

 Nothingness in a full and complete way. 

Nothingness meaning that we are space and energy to create in each moment. 

Nothingness meaning that we have a choice to always be ready and willing to be something other than what we are ~if we dare to give ourselves permission and the opportunity to learn and grow from everything. 

Nothingness is an empty container to be filled with all things. 

Nothingness from this perspective is alive and eager to be anything we give ourselves permission to be. 

It is the void where everything is possible~ where anything can exist. 

It is a Birth!