“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” ~ Dalai Lama

Blurred picture along with foggy emotions! This blog post seems a bit different from my other posts. Although as I reflect on my other post I know that I share deeply. I like to think that I am transparent in the way I live, write and experience my life. It is an important part of who I am and how I have a passion to help (myself) others to learn, grow and decipher our emotional body’s and lives.

So here goes~~

I learned at an early age that I didn’t matter. What I needed or wanted wasn’t important or relevant. And I see how this can play out inside parts of my life and especially inside my current relationship of 21 years. I like to think that I share my desires and needs concisely and with as much clarity that I can muster up in the moment of the experience. Today David (my partner) and I had a bit of a disagreement around his needs and desire and mine. I named something a few days ago and thought I was clear. Then today we revisited the subject and we had two different interpretations of what I said and what I thought he heard. Notice I write~“What I thought he heard.” In this particular situation I think there was a bit more charge around our original conversation so I did not ask the important question after one of our previous conversations ~                                                                                                                                                “What did you hear me say?” This is a question that gives each person the ability to hear, clarify and understand the others point of view.

I can say to myself ~ “I know that he had his own experience inside the situation and fall into an old pattern of not advocating for what I know is true for me.” This is where I can loose myself in this experience. I drop into empathy for him and loose myself inside the idea that it’s all OK because I am being empathetic and agreeable when I know there is something off inside of me. (These are not black and white situations because every experience is it’s own story and world of emotions and feelings that need to be acknowledged and explored)

I can get frustrated in the entire situation and also know that I want to understand, acknowledge and go deeper into what this is about for me. I was actually going to delve deeper into what “the situation” was and then made a conscious decision to not write about it. Why? You might be asking ~ because the situation is actually irrelevant. It is the feeling inside the experience that I am more concerned and intrigued by.

What I am taking away from this short writing ~ As a Child

• I was taught that my life didn’t matter
• I was treated with a lack of respect for my needs and desires
• I had no where to go to be comforted and nurtured when these feelings of confusion and fear rose inside of me

Now as an adult~ I have the ability and desire to hold that young part of my psyche and let her know “we” are no longer that little girl (or boy) and the “I” (the adult part of self) will always be there no matter what others may think of me/her/us. No matter who likes or dislikes my choices.

This is a technique that has many names and processing. I call it The Art of Emotional Connection. It is the cornerstone of my passion and life! And it was born out of the lack of connection I experienced as a child. We are no longer those young children but those parts of our psyches occasionally rise to bite us in the butt . When they have their teeth in our tender parts it is not the time to move or take action. It is the time to have enough of yourself to know you are (emotionally) young (or regressed) and hold a space for her or him to be soothed until the present moment YOU can get a hold of yourself to have a meaningful conversation. And sometimes that does not mean to go to the person that triggered you. It might reaching out to a neutral party to help you obtain some clarity and then revisit it (if necessary) with the person where the trigger happened. 

I look forward to expanding this conversation with your comments or questions.